Writer's Tree

As a writer with each endeavor I grow and my branches spread to encompass the world.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day? Woman's Day!

I am not sure how I feel about Mother’s Day. It is really an unnecessary event in reality. I don’t need a day to be reminded that I am a mother, or that my children appreciate the fact that I am their mother. For those of you that are not mothers yet, or perhaps will never be mothers, either by choice or fate, it is perhaps a day of reminding you what you are not. Whether that is a good reminder or not is something that only you perhaps know and understand. But is it a necessary reminder?

At a time in my life when I am trying to discover still who I am, after many times in my live causing me to struggle with that question, it can sometimes be a cumbersome title. Do I resent being a mother, never; I have loved every moment of it. Even when I thought I was not doing a good job, it was never something I would have chosen to quit. But do I wish it be the definition of who I am?

I grew up with a mother that was not a good role model and late in her life choose to cut off my relationship with her. I was, however, there at the moment that her life ended and it was beautiful and yet sad to feel her heart beat against my palm for the last time. I felt at peace with her and I believe she was at peace with me but there was a sadness that we would never share what I felt was the definition of a good parent – child relationship. I would never really feel that she had loved me. I have always felt “motherless” in spite of the fact that she was alive for the first half of my life. Her entire life from the time that she was 18 was defined by the fact that she was a mother, and still I felt “motherless”.

I have watched the suffering of my sister as she buried her only son, lost at the barrel of a gun held by the hand of his best friend. I watched her struggle to define herself without that role that she had filled for 17 years. He was her life and she did not know how to continue without that role. She has done well and is a beautiful woman and person but she is reminded every day that she no longer has a role to fill and she feels the pain of that.

Mother; it is a powerful word and an awesome responsibility. It is something that defines us whether we like it or not. But, is it the definition of who we are? My job of "parenting" is coming to an end and I must face my future without their constant presence in my life. Yet every decision is filtered through the fact that I have children, even now when they are grown, when I make decisions for my life it is always there and I consider how it will affect those relationships. Will I be alright, do I know who I am and what I want to do with the future? I am seeking to find that out, my love for them and the wonderful close loving relationship that we all share will never end but I must think of myself now. I must forge ahead, and define myself for the remainder of my life.

So I am asking myself this morning, on Mother’s Day, if this is the most important thing for me to celebrate? Am I a good mother, was I a good mother? If my children are the criteria by which we answer that question, I was a great mother! Was I perfect, no, but I was the best that I knew how to be and they know that I love them unconditionally.

So what I am asking myself this morning is am I a good human being? What do I have to offer the world now that I am done with the hard part of parenting? What will I do with the rest of my life? You see we are all mothers, whether we have children or not, by virtue of our womanhood, it is part of our humanity. We all mother, take under our wing, support and foster the future of others. So I say to myself today, am I a good woman? The answer if a resounding yes!

Today I say to all of you out there, mothers or not!

HAPPY WOMAN’S DAY! I am proud to be one of you!

1 Comments:

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10:54 AM  

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